The Bitter and the Sweet

This little guy is one of the sweetest blessings in my life. He is such a good baby and has made each day he has been alive such a joy. He has truly changed my life and has made me such a better person.

This on the other hand has been such a literal "pain in the butt". We got home from the hospital on Friday, and on Saturday I started feeling like I pulled a muscle in my rear end. By Monday I couldn't walk and was constantly in tears because of the pain. We struggled with what to do about it, and tried to self diagnose on the internet. On Tuesday we decided that I needed to go see a doctor, so to the Urgent Care we went. When the doctor asked me how I was doing, I immediately burst into tears. A combination of the worst pain I have ever felt and the inabilty to really be a mother to my newborn made for an extremely hard time holding back the waterworks. She prescribed me some pain medicine, which did absolutely nothing. I was so frustrated that the medicine didn't even touch the pain.

Wednesday we called my doctor who got us right in. When the exam left him baffled he sent us over to the hospital for an MRI. So for Gavin's one week birthday we spent most of the day back at the hospital, but thankfully it was for me and not for him. After the most painful MRI ever (I actually yelled at the technician when she moved me too fast) we waited for the results. The next day the doc called and told Taylor the prognosis. I had pulled my Iliacus muscle off the bone. Finally I knew what was wrong. We were glad it was not Siatica or a blood clot, but I was still in a LOT of pain. Stronger pain meds and possible physical therapy should help it heal within a few months. I thought earlier on this week I was improving. I could walk without help. I could lift my leg to get into the shower, and I even stood long enough to blow dry my hair. But the past few days I have seemed to regress. The tears continue to flow on a daily, sometimes hourly basis, due to a combination of sheer exhaustion, excruciating pain, and complete frustration. I will no longer take for granted the ablity to bend over to pick up my baby, to respond to his crying, to get up in the middle of the night to change a diaper, to simply make myself a meal. Thanks to all those who have helped us out these last 2 1/2 weeks. Thanks to our ward members who have brought us meals. I know that this too will pass, but as for now it seems like it's going to take forever. Prayers are appreciated!
This wouldn't be complete without a shout out to my wonderful husband who has taken on most of the nighttime feedings and diaper changes due to the fact that it literally takes me 10 minutes to get out of bed. Gavin loves the time with his daddy, and I am one lucky girl to have him be his daddy.

Two Weeks

Today Gavin is two weeks old! I can't believe he is halfway to a month old. What an EVENTFUL two weeks it has been. I can't believe all the people that he has met and all that we have done. We have loved having so much time with family, despite the craziness. He has not lacked for attention, and has been held almost 24-7 for the past week and a half. Gavin loves his bouncer and will sleep in it during the day. He still eats every two hours (or sooner), leaving mom feeling like a milking factory. He only sleeps for 2-3 hour stints at night, which we are hoping changes soon. He loves to sleep on our chests, which we have resorted to the last two nights on account of it was either that, or no sleep at all.

In the hospital Gavin failed his first hearing test and then failed the left ear the second time, so today we had to take him back for his follow up test. I was a proud mommy and may have even thrown my hands up in the air when the technician told us he passed today. It's the start of a long list of things I know I will be proud of in his future.
Being parents has not been a huge adjustment. We knew we were ready to be mommy and daddy, but we were still surprised by a few things. First, we are surprised at how many diapers we go through every day. Luckily I have a husband who will do diaper duty, and regularly volunteers to do it. We are surprised at how this little guy can turn our schedule upside down. How it takes us twice as long to shower and get ready, and get out the door. We are also amazed at how we can survive on such little sleep. We are not surprised that he looks like both of us. We are also not surprised at how much we love and adore him, but quickly realized that the instant love that we heard of was so true. We can't imagine our lives without him. As we say, "He is our favorite."

Gavin Michael McFarland

It has now been 8 days since Gavin was born, and though it has been a sleep deprived 8 days, I am so in love with this little boy I wouldn't have it any other way. I wanted to write down his birth story so I could remember it and I could eventually share it with him when he is older.

Monday morning Taylor and my mom accompanied me to my doctor's appointment. I was miserable at this point and couldn't comprehend how I was going to make it two more weeks. The doctor stripped my membranes and told us that 60% of people that have this done go into labor 24-48 hours later. After 24 hours I had had tons of contractions and had spent the day walking the mall with my mom, aunt, cousins, etc (my entourage as we called them). Every time I would have a contraction they would circle around me and just stare. I finally said, "I can't do this if you are all looking at me!" After dinner we took a walk around my aunt's neighborhood. I was feeling pretty good at this point and was able to keep up with everyone. We came back to my aunt's house, got a drink, dropped the males in the entourage off, and took off again. By this time it was like 11pm. My mom, Ronna, and my cousin Erin were great pre-labor coaches and were so sweet to just spend HOURS walking with me that day.

That night Taylor and I went home. Twenty four hours passed and still no baby. That day was spent walking the mall again, walking the outlet mall and just doing everything I could to try to get Gavin to come out. My mom and Robbie headed home to Boise because we just figured he was going to come on his own schedule no matter how much walking I did. I continued to have contractions throughout the day, but nothing too intense.
That night Ronna invited us over for dinner, and we ate a delicious meal. During dinner my contractions started getting worse. Taylor's mom flew in after a lengthy delay, and we were so glad that she was there. After dinner we headed out to walk the neighborhood again. This time was diferent. I could tell. About 10 minutes into the walk my contractions became so intense I was crying. We were still a ways from home, but I was determined to make it. After an hour of walking, we made it home, and it was decided that it was time to go to the hospital. Taylor and Erin drove back to our house to get the bags while I walked the hallways of my aunt's house. We made it to the hospital at 11. May have been sooner, except someone forgot to stop at my aunt's house to pick ME up. In all fairness, he was under the impression that we were going to meet him there. I love him.
They checked me and I was 4 cm dialated and 90% effaced. At the doctors on Monday I had only been a 2 and 80% so all that walking was not in vain. They decided to keep me and told me I needed to be at a 5 in an hour. The race was on. After an hour the nurse came and checked me and said I was still at a 4 but she would give me another hour. I was determined not to go home so we got up and walked the halls. The contractions were so intense at this point that we had to stop every minute to let the next one pass. It didn't help that the lady across the hall was pushing and screaming and dropping the F bomb.

After the hour she checked me and told me I was at a five! We could stay! I was so happy. I think I immediately asked when I could get the epidural. The nurse said it was on it's way. When the anethesthologist came in he said his name was "James". We never found out what his last name was, but I didn't care cause James was my hero. After the epiural I was feeling pretty good. At about 7:00am I was at a 7 and they broke my water. After that I slept until about 8 am. I woke up and could tell that the epidural was wearing off because the pressure and pain was getting pretty intense again. The nurse came in and checked me and I was at at 10. She also said that the head was right there. I knew that his head was right there because I could feel it. I also could tell I needed to push. I was told I couldn't push because the doctor was in a c-section Some horrendous lady came into bring towels and said, "Just have her put her legs flat and her feet together so she doesn't push." EXCUSE ME? I think everyone in the room, my nurse included, was slightly horrified. My nurse told me we were going to do one practice push to see how I was going to fare. After that one set of pushes she immedieatly called the doctor and told him to get in there ASAP. By this point James had come back in and pumped me FULL of more epidural, as I'm yelling "My legs are on fire." Did I mention I was having full on seizure like convulsions and kept telling the nurse I was going to pass out? They gave me oxyyen, which only made me panic more. Somehow I was able to calm down and rested for about 15 minutes. When the doctor came in I gave three sets of pushes, and Gavin was here. I was so out of it, I don't remember Taylor cutting the cord, or them even laying him on my belly to clean him off. After all the excitement of getting him all cleaned off and ready to see mommy, I had a fever and only held him for a few minutes before they took him to the nursury. Taylor accompanied him there to give him his bath.

At about 2pm my fever finally broke and I felt much better. I actually kept my food down, and was able to have visitors. The rest of the hospital stay was decent, and we got to come home Friday. The reason this post is so long in coming is because I thought I had pulled a muscle in my butt. As the days passed the pain got worse and worse and my mobility became less and less. by Tuesday I could no longer walk. This meant I couldn't hold my baby, couldn't lean forward, even while sitting, to change his diaper, sitting up to feed him was excruciating, and quite honestly I was struggling with my inablity to be a parent to my sweet baby. We saw the doctor on Wednesday and he ordered an MRI. The MRI showed it was not Siatica (which we were fearing) or a blood clot, but rather my butt muscle has torn away from the bone. This is the reason that NO pain medicine has been able to touch the pain. It honestly is the worst pain I could ever imagine. Luckily my mother in law has been here and has been such an angel. She has cooked, cleaned, taken care of Gavin, and endured my "Can you get me this?" "Can you do this?". I don't know what we would have done without her here. Taylor has also been such a wonderful help. He had to work for 5 days straight right when Gavin was born, but he has had the last 3 days off, and we have enjoyed having daddy home with us.

Despite all the drama that has surrounded us this last week, I would do it all again to have this sweet, adorable angel in my life. We look at him and are constantly amazed at how lucky we are to be his parents. He is such a perfect baby and only really cries when he is hungry or has a dirty diaper. I can't remember my life before Gavin, and quite honestly, I don't want to. Aside from getting married to Tay, this has been the biggest blessing in my life. I can't wait to watch him grow up and see his little personality develop.

A Quarter Century

This week we celebrated me reaching quite a milestone...25!!! I was so lucky that Taylor was off of work and could celebrate with me all day. I started early by getting a massage and a facial the day before. It was heaven-sent! I was hoping all that relaxing would just make baby want to come right out, but no luck on that one.

Taylor and I celebrated by going to lunch at Brick Oven, an old college favorite. We also stopped by the Riverwoods and picked up a family favorite: and Apple Pie Carmel Apple.
After we got home I had the pleasure of watching him make his first cake. Don't worry folks, it was the box kind, so nothing too exciting. Taylor's mom got him a flip video camera for Father's Day and I video taped his endeavor to share with our future posterity.

We also went and saw the movie "Date Night". It was SO funny, but we were slightly uncomfortable with the group of seven year olds behind us. The language was a little colorful for their tiny ears! After the movie we came home and ate some of Taylor's delicious cake! For my birthday I asked for a mini-fridge to put in my classroom. Taylor's a good listener cause that's exactly what I got. AND....looking at our bank statements he got it a whole 10 days before my birthday! What a stud! My birthday was so much fun, but more than anything I'm just glad that I got to spend it with my best friend!

Fabulous at Fifty

A huge HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my dear sweet daddy! Hard to believe he is 50 years young! He still plays hockey, golfs all the time, and has the energy to deal with everything else. I am so lucky to be his daughter. Dad is not one for parties and surprises so what did my mom do for his birthday....more golf! I am so sad that Taylor and I couldn't be in Boise to share this special day with my daddy, but I think the gift of a grandson in a few weeks will have to do! Two quick stories to tell you.
First: Back last November (when we knew we were pregnant and still weren't telling anyone) my dad called to see if we wanted to go on a 3 or 4 day horseback riding trip. Knowing that we would be gracing him with his grandson we tried to weasel our way out of it (but dying because we would LOVE to go!) I think I said things along the lines of "Well, we don't know our schedlue" and "I don't think we can afford it" (knowing that we really wouldn't have to pay for it :) ). I think Dad was a little confused, considering one year for my birthday I asked to go on a horseback trip.

Second: In December, when we went to Boise for Christmas, we wrapped up some baby camo clogs to make "the announcement". Anyone who knows my dad knows he loves his crocs. He even wears them to church...the fleece lined, more appropriate ones of course. Dad has also gotten Gavin his own camo onsie, and a few days ago called and said, "I bought Gavin a present today." I responded, "That's nice. What is is." To which my dad said, "A wireless router". I think he was just making sure that Gavin would be able to video chat with Grandpa!

We love our Daddy Mike, and soon to be grandpa. We hope his birthday is tons of fun (but not too much fun cause we can't be there!) LOVE YOU DAD!

ONE YEAR

June 27th, 2009

It's hard to believe that a little over a year ago Taylor and I were sealed for time and all eternity in the Salt Lake Temple. What a wonderfully magical day that was! I couldn't have dreamed of a more perfect day. I am so lucky to be married to my best friend. We often reflect on the past year and all that has happened, and we are constantly amazed at the blessings we have in our life. Every day I am so thankful for a husband who constantly tells me and shows me how much he loves me. I can't wait for the next year and the adventures that lie ahead. Even more than that, I am so excited for the eternity to come and all the fun that is to be had! Here's to ONE YEAR!!! 

A few favorite memories from the past year: 

1. Driving over 3,000 miles last summer (2,000 on our honeymoon alone!) 

2. Moving to Kansas and being on our own for a whole year. 

3. Setting up two homes together...learning to compromise. 

4. Getting into graduate school (Taylor did AMAZING in Grad school!) 

5. Surviving a whole year of teaching first grade. (let's just say it was ... rough). 

6. Being called into the Elders Quorum and Primary Presidencies

7. Visiting family for Thanksgiving and Christmas

8. The morning we found out we were having a little McFarland! 

9. Telling our parents, well hiding it very well at first, and then telling them. 

10. Taylor getting an Internship back in Utah, allowing us to move closer to family and friends. 

11.  Taylor's internship at Tabor College in Kansas. 

12. Going to an OU basketball game and may Wichita State games. 

13. Snacking in the early morning hours... you know who you are! 

14. Visiting the Missouri church sites before we left the mid-west. 

15. Finding a place to live in Utah (and hoping not to move for a while!) 

16. Little obsessions: getting a dog, buying  jeep, planting a garden, exercising, frozen grapes, 

17. Having our family help us move back to Utah. Spending quality time. 

18. Taylor's first rodeo

19. Going to Washington D.C. to visit Grandpa Hal. 

20. Visiting Kels and Grant in Dallas. Driving in one lane for 8 hours. 

21. Grandma and Grandpa and Kels and Grant visiting us in Wichita. 

22. Linds getting a job teaching again in Utah.

23. Learning that you can love someone more and more every day.