It seems that our luck has run out in the McFarland household. This past year we have been so blessed with NUMEROUS things, but with all the blessings comes the adversity. Not only do I have a torn muscle, but now my SI joint (two inches from my spine) is stuck in the wrong place. Just as the muscle was starting to heal, now we have a whole other set of issues to deal with. This new development has literally knocked me down. I can't remember a time when I have cried more (ok, screamed more too). Despite it all, some good has come, when I look really deep. I have learned a lot these past few weeks, and wanted to record them so I can look back and remember.
1. I have learned not to take ANYTHING for granted. Things so small such as getting into the shower, being able to reach things, and simply being able to pick up something that weighs more than 3 lbs. I watch people running past as we drive in the car and instantly start to cry because I once was not a huge fan of running. Now I would give anything to run again.
2. I never knew I could be in this much pain. I always thought I had a low pain tolerance, but now I wont complain as much over a stomach ache or a cold. I will also be much more aware and sympathetic of people in chronic pain. I now know what it is like to be in so much pain you can't even see straight.
3. I have learned quickly how many places are not accessible for people in wheelchairs. It makes me sad for those people confined to wheelchairs their whole life. I wish there was more that I could do. I have also not liked experiencing people staring at me simply because I was in a wheelchair. One person at a restaurant saw me walking funny, not even in my wheelchair and asked, "What's up with you?" I not so politely replied, "I tore a muscle during labor and now the joint is stuck in the wrong place." That shut him up pretty fast.
4. I thought it took a long time to get ready to go somewhere with a newborn, now it's me that people are waiting for. I can't wait for the day where it will take us 15 minutes to get out the door instead of 45.
5. I am still learning how many people are willing to help if I ALLOW THEM TO! Being extremely independent has it's downside, and that is my inability to ask for help. Taylor always tells me, "All you have to do is ask."
6. I have realized how many people love me. I can't count the number of encouraging words or texts I get. Some neighbors have brought me meals, family members have driven hours just to help out, and Gavin and I have spent countless hours at my aunt's while Taylor is at work. It just goes to show that I need to let people love me. I need to let people help.
7. Lastly, I have remembered (I already knew it, it's just nice to be reminded) how much my husband loves me. That man would do anything for me, and practically has. Middle of the night bathroom trips with me, all the nighttime feedings for Gavin, bringing me breakfast in bed every morning, taking me to all my doctors appointments and physical therapy, and simply telling me how beautiful I am every day. I bet he never expected to be pushing his wife around in a wheelchair, or handing her a cane, but he has taken it all in stride. Sometimes the pain gets the best of me and I am not so nice to be around, but he doesn't take it personally, he loves me even more.
1. I have learned not to take ANYTHING for granted. Things so small such as getting into the shower, being able to reach things, and simply being able to pick up something that weighs more than 3 lbs. I watch people running past as we drive in the car and instantly start to cry because I once was not a huge fan of running. Now I would give anything to run again.
2. I never knew I could be in this much pain. I always thought I had a low pain tolerance, but now I wont complain as much over a stomach ache or a cold. I will also be much more aware and sympathetic of people in chronic pain. I now know what it is like to be in so much pain you can't even see straight.
3. I have learned quickly how many places are not accessible for people in wheelchairs. It makes me sad for those people confined to wheelchairs their whole life. I wish there was more that I could do. I have also not liked experiencing people staring at me simply because I was in a wheelchair. One person at a restaurant saw me walking funny, not even in my wheelchair and asked, "What's up with you?" I not so politely replied, "I tore a muscle during labor and now the joint is stuck in the wrong place." That shut him up pretty fast.
4. I thought it took a long time to get ready to go somewhere with a newborn, now it's me that people are waiting for. I can't wait for the day where it will take us 15 minutes to get out the door instead of 45.
5. I am still learning how many people are willing to help if I ALLOW THEM TO! Being extremely independent has it's downside, and that is my inability to ask for help. Taylor always tells me, "All you have to do is ask."
6. I have realized how many people love me. I can't count the number of encouraging words or texts I get. Some neighbors have brought me meals, family members have driven hours just to help out, and Gavin and I have spent countless hours at my aunt's while Taylor is at work. It just goes to show that I need to let people love me. I need to let people help.
7. Lastly, I have remembered (I already knew it, it's just nice to be reminded) how much my husband loves me. That man would do anything for me, and practically has. Middle of the night bathroom trips with me, all the nighttime feedings for Gavin, bringing me breakfast in bed every morning, taking me to all my doctors appointments and physical therapy, and simply telling me how beautiful I am every day. I bet he never expected to be pushing his wife around in a wheelchair, or handing her a cane, but he has taken it all in stride. Sometimes the pain gets the best of me and I am not so nice to be around, but he doesn't take it personally, he loves me even more.
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